One Last Kiss
by hana-to-mame
Summary: Harvey realizes he just can't handle a long-term relationship.  Mike says he understands and leaves, but not without experiencing a lot of silent heartache.
1. The Kiss

**One Last Kiss (a Suits fanfic)**

**Rated: T**

**Pairings: Mike/Harvey**

**Summary: Harvey realizes he just can't handle a long-term relationship. Mike says he understands and leaves, but not without experiencing a lot of silent heartache.**

**Posted 12 November 2011**

**A/N: Ok... so, I don't know where this came from. I don't even know if it's good at all, so please be honest with me. If it's bad, tell me so I can take it down and save myself further embarrassment... Also, I'm working on updating all my other stories, I promise, I just keep getting distracted by these ideas that sneak up on me :)**

***PS - This former oneshot is now a multi-chapter fic!  
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><p><strong>Chapter 1 - The Kiss<strong>

Mike's lips were tingling as Harvey kissed him. It was his favorite part of their relationship, the kissing. Of course he enjoyed spending time with him, and the sex was great too, but there was just something about sharing a kiss with him that set his whole body on fire.

But it was different this time. This kiss was felt reserved. It shouldn't have bothered him so much, considering their kisses had felt like this for about the first month of their relationship as he tried desperately to break Harvey free of his loveless philosophy. But now, about six months in, it felt wrong. He felt a faint but sharp pain in his chest as he pulled away from him.

"Harvey? Is something wrong?"

Harvey took a long breath, placing his hands on Mike's neck and bringing their foreheads together. "Maybe..."

Mike's heart stopped for a second, only restarting when he closed his eyes. "Maybe?"

"Mike... you know... how I feel about you, right?"

"Yeah." Mike nodded, yet still refused to open his eyes. "I know."

"That hasn't changed... but I..."

"Wait," Mike whispered, placing a cold, shaky hand over Harvey's mouth. "I know how you feel, and I believe you. But I also know you, better than anyone else does, I think... and... I have a feeling I know what you're going to say. So why don't you just skip it?" He wasn't angry, his voice was soft and understanding. "I knew when we started this that it wasn't... permanent. You told me so, and I... I chose to be with you despite this. Because I figured it would be better to have some time with you rather than never getting to be with you at all. So just... if I'm right and this is what I think it is, can I just get one last kiss?" He opened his eyes, not bothering to hold back the sadness he knew was shining in them.

Harvey stared back at him, his eyes glazed with just a hint of regret and guilt. "And if you're wrong?"

Mike bit his lip before answering quietly, "I'm not wrong."

With a tiny nod, Harvey conceded and touched his lips to Mike one more time. He owed him that, he felt. Although it had been clear in the beginning that they would eventually reach this point, he still felt bad that it had to end this way. He didn't want to hurt Mike. He loved him, after all. But he just wasn't ready for this. He knew long ago, before he'd even met Mike, that he'd never be the type to settle down. And no matter how much he hated himself for using Mike like this, he wasn't able to stop himself. He was generally good at controlling himself, but this one time he just had to be a little selfish.

But not anymore. He wouldn't hurt Mike anymore. He wouldn't let him drown in fear every day, constantly wondering when everything would fall apart. He'd wanted to find a way to stay with him, but it was clear now that that was never going to happen.

Mike's whole body was aching by the time their kiss ended. He felt pathetic when he realized it had been the best kiss of his life. He gave Harvey one last tiny smile and pushed him away, turning his back to him so he didn't have to watch him walk away. "Thanks," he said.

There was no response but Harvey's soft footsteps as he retreated into his bedroom, shutting the door quietly and leaving Mike to his business.

They'd discussed everything in the beginning. When their relationship ended, Mike would gather up all his things and leave without a fight. And he wasn't about to go back on that. Because even though the world saw him as the fragile one, he knew better. He knew it was really Harvey who was constantly on the verge of being broken into a million little pieces. And he wasn't going to be the one to do that to him. He loved him far too much.

So he kept his end of the deal, taking a box out of the closet and scouring the apartment for anything that belonged solely to him. His toothbrush. His slippers. His magazines, books, medicine, clothes, movies. Anything that was his before they'd started dating. Anything he acquired while with him or that they'd bought together was purposely left right where it was. Photos of them together were left hanging on the wall and sitting on the end tables. The quilt Gran had made for them was left draped over the back of the couch. And the adult-sized bib Harvey had bought for him as a joke was left sitting at his place at the kitchen table.

No, he wasn't leaving them to get back at Harvey. He wasn't that spiteful. He just didn't know what to do with them. If he kept them, he'd never be able to part with them. But he didn't want to hang onto these memories. That, and he didn't want Harvey to ever forget that Mike would always be there for him. No matter how long they were apart, if Harvey ever wanted him again, he'd willingly go with him, no questions asked. And he'd do it no matter how many times Harvey broke up with him, Why? Because he knew Harvey needed him.

He was strong, and could deal with being away from Harvey as long as he knew that deep down, Harvey really did love him. And God, did he know it. But Harvey couldn't handle it. If he needed Mike, he _needed_ him. Harvey Specter was a strong man, invincible in the eye of the masses. But Mike had the power to crush him, smash his soul a thousand different ways and make it hurt more than any man could imagine. And that's what kept Harvey from promising him anything more than a temporary relationship, the fear of being reduced to dust by the person he cared about most.

Mike tried to explain that Harvey held the same power over him, but that he trusted him never to abuse it. But Harvey was just too scared. He was sure he'd come close to easing that fear a few times, but it was never fully gone, and when it returned it was ten times worse.

His hope wasn't completely lost as he lifted the box of his possessions and carried it out into the hallway. He know he'd see Harvey again. They'd be reunited tomorrow at work. And Mike would do his best not to make it awkward. He'd managed to keep their relationship a secret, he was certain he could keep his heartbreak a secret as well.

So he left that place, making his way back to his tiny apartment which he hadn't officially moved out of for this very reason. He realized on his way there that he might not be as strong as he thought he was, feeling himself come undone as he finally finished putting his things away. His insides were all jumbled up, so much that he thought his organs had disintegrated, leaving an empty vacuum where there should have been a person.

But despite the torment he was feeling inside, his body remained intact. And he would remain that way, he told himself. He had to find the will to go on, somehow. Because if he shattered, if he gave any indication that he was suffering so much, it would be the end of Harvey. He'd blame himself and live the rest of his life in a hellish misery filled with more nightmares than he currently endured. He didn't want that. He had to stay strong. For Harvey. If he was fine, Harvey would be fine. And if Harvey was fine, all would be right with the world. At least from where Mike stood.


	2. Start Over

**A/N: As most of you know, I wasn't originally planning on continuing this... but with so many people asking me to, I find I am unable to resist. It won't be a very long story, I don't think, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless :)**

**Chapter 2 - Start Over (Posted 17 November 2011)**

Mike admitted to no one in particular the next morning that he was nervous to return to work. He'd promised no awkwardness, and Harvey had made the same promise in return. But he wasn't sure he could keep it.

But he would do his best. He owed it to Harvey. And he knew what everyone would say, they'd tell him that he didn't owe Harvey anything, that he was better off. But they would be wrong. He didn't regret his time with Harvey. And he knew Harvey had tried, and that was more than Mike ever asked of him. So no, he didn't regret it. He was grateful for it.

After all, although he wasn't above doing whatever was necessary to get something he wanted, when Harvey Specter told you he loved you, he meant it. And Mike knew that.

So he showered, shaved, and dressed for work like he did every morning. And he wheeled his bike out of his apartment since it was once again his main method of transportation.

He started to feel queazy as he entered the building. And he felt Donna staring at him as he past her desk.

"Morning, Donna."

"You came on your own." She said, trying to make it sound like a question.

"Yeah."

"Did you have a fight?"

Mike shook his head. "No."

"What happened?"

"Why are you asking me that? You probably already know the answer."

"I just wanted to confirm it. I didn't want to believe it when I saw him walk in here by himself. Here I was, expecting to see you just a step or two behind him as usual and... you weren't there."

"Well, I'm here now. And on time too." He smiled.

"Are you okay?"

Mike took a deep breath. That was something he'd wanted to avoid, being asked by Donna if he was okay. If she asked that, then the issue was serious. "I'm fine. You know I didn't want it to continue if he wasn't comfortable. I think it would hurt worse if I had to watch him torment himself just to be with me. I'm not going to walk around all mopey because I don't want him to feel badly about this."

She nodded. "Okay, well, he's waiting for you."

"Thanks," he said, walking past her desk to Harvey's office. His voice came to him easier than he expected when he had to face him. "Donna said you wanted to see me?"

"Yeah," Harvey answered monotonously without looking up from whatever eh was working on. He didn't say anything for a whole minute, leaving Mike to stand there awkwardly waiting for him to speak. "Shut the door," he decided on.

Mike nodded and shut the door to Harvey's office. "Okay."

"I don't know what to say..."

Mike was almost stunned. "You always know what to say."

"Not to you."

"You've never said the wrong thing before. What makes you think you'll start now?"

Harvey sighed deeply. "I always get... nervous when I think about talking to you. I don't want to say anything that would hurt you..."

"Harvey," Mike stepped closer and stood at the front of the desk, "the only thing that would hurt me is if you said you didn't love me. And even if you do say it, I'll never believe it."

"Good..."

"Is that it?"

"No. I want to tell you that... I had more to say last night. I know... I know what you thought. And you were right. But there was more."

"Oh?"

Harvey stood and leaned over the desk slightly. "I didn't want to end it permanently. I'm sorry I let you think I did, but I just didn't know how to say it... and I thought maybe it would be better if it was over for good, so that I didn't keep you in suspense for the rest of your life."

"I wouldn't have minded."

"I know. And I don't want to take advantage of that."

"It's not taking advantage if I willingly offer it and understand what I'm doing. I need you to know that." Mike paused, trying to keep calm. He wasn't angry, he was just... emotional. He couldn't help but be passionate when it came to Harvey. "I'm here to be whatever you want me to be. If it's a romantic partner, or a friend, or... just your associate. Even just a stranger on the street, Harvey, as long as I'm _something_ to you, and you're happy..."

"I was happy with you."

Mike smiled, a feeling a bit of pride at that statement. "I'm glad."

"I just wasn't sure if I could make you happy. And keep you happy. In the long run. I didn't know how... and I was afraid you might get tired of putting up with me."

"I'd never get tired of you."

"Do you mean that?"

"Of course I mean it. I mean everything I say when I talk about how I feel about you. I _love_ you. And I know you love me, you wouldn't get this worked up about some passing fancy, but I also know that this is hard for you. What kind of person would I be if I hated you because you were confused?"

"That's how most people would react."

"Most people aren't me."

"That's part of the reason I love you so much."

"I love hearing you say that. No matter the circumstances."

Harvey nodded. "I have to ask you something."

"Anything."

"It's so difficult..."

"Take your time. You know I'll always listen to what you have to say."

"But I _want_ to say it now... I just don't know how to ask it."

"Then don't ask me. Tell me what you want, Harvey. If it's in my power to give it to you, I will."

"I don't deserve you."

"I'm the only one that gets to decide that. Now just tell me what you need." Mike leaned in a little bit, ready to hear Harvey's request.

"I... I want to start over."

"What?" This surprised Mike. He was expecting any number of things. Another night together. A chance to discuss everything that happened between them. To maintain a close friendship. Anything.

"I... I was afraid, Mike. We were moving so fast, and... I'm not a relationship kind of guy and I needed some space but last night... I missed you."

"I missed you too," Mike admitted.

"Then I'd like another chance."

"You have infinite chances."

"I don't need that many," Harvey assured, a faint smile reaching his lips. "I'm ready this time. I know that I don't want to be without you, but I need more time to get used to it. So I want to start over."

"Okay."

"I don't want to pretend what we had never happened. I just want... I want a chance to do better this time. To fix my mistakes. And don't say I didn't make any, I did, we both know I did. But I want to make it right."

Mike nodded, smile widening slightly. "You don't have to explain yourself to me."

"I know. But I want to. I want you to know that I'm serious, and I'm not going to give up on this. I need it too much."

"Need what?"

"You in my life. So I just want one more chance. I don't want to forget our past, but I want to start over. I want to take it slow this time. And take my time falling in love with you all over again."

"I'd like that a lot."

Harvey let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding in the short time it took Mike to answer. "How about we start with coffee?"


	3. Can't Stand It

**Chapter 3 - Can't Stand It (Posted 22 December 2011)**

"I can't do this." Harvey said, running a hand through his hair.

"The coffee isn't that bad, Harvey." Mike returned.

"That's not what I mean, Mike."

Mike sighed. "I know."

"I'm sorry..."

"It's okay."

"No," Harvey shook his head. "It's not okay." He reached his hands across the table and covered Mike's with them. "I love you. I really do, I don't deny it or hide it..."

"I know, Harvey." Mike assure him. "I told you, you can have all the time you need."

"But I don't want time. What I want is to... to be able to be with you without being so confused. I don't know what to do. I can't stand it, not being close like we were, but I just don't know how to deal with feeling this strongly..."

"Maybe if you just talk to me about it." Mike offered.

"I don't know..."

"For the record, I love you too."

Harvey nodded. "I know. What I don't know is why it's so hard to just be in love with you."

"I think you just have to let yourself embrace these feelings, Harvey. I know you acknowledge them, but maybe you just haven't come to terms with the fact that you actually do care about someone. I understand that this is hard for you. And I'm not going to give up on you. I'll always be here for you."

"Thank you."

"See, like that." Mike smiled. "You're always so sincere with me. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that."

"I wouldn't be anything other than sincere with you."

"That's one of the things I love about you. So, do you want to talk about anything?"

Harvey pursed his lips together in thought. Then he nodded. "Yeah. But not here. Let's go back to my place?"

"Okay." Mike smiled.

X

Once they were inside Harvey's condo it was impossible not to fall, at least partially, into their old routine. Harvey pulled Mike close, but instead of kissing him he just held him, feeling their bodies pressed together.

"I've always liked it when you hold me like this." Mike purred.

"I've always liked holding you."

Mike pulled away, smiled, then bit his lip. He wanted more than anything to kiss Harvey like he had on so many previous nights. But he didn't know how fast harvey wanted to go right now. So he settled for pecking him on the cheek.

Anyone else would have missed it, but the corners of Harvey's mouth definitely tugged up at that. He let his arms fall from around Mike and grabbed his hand, pulling him toward the living room. "What did we talk about on our first date?"

Mike laughed. "I don't remember a lot of talking going on that night."

"That doesn't count." Harvey said, looking amused. "I mean our first real date. That night I took you out to see that awful movie."

"That was pretty awful. But I still had a nice time."

Harvey nodded. "Me too."

"After the movie, we came back here and I told you about my childhood." Mike reminded him. "And then you told me about yours."

"We didn't have sex that night." Harvey recalled.

"No," Mike blushed, "we didn't. We fell asleep on your sofa with the radio on."

"And then we had sex in the morning." Harvey smirked.

"Yeah. It was the best first date I've ever had."

"Me too."

"You're just saying that."

"We both know that's ridiculous."

Mike smiled. "Wanna recreate that night? You know, maybe sans the morning part?"

Harvey considered it and nodded, gently drawing Mike against him and laying back. "We'll see what happens when we get there."

"Sounds good to me."


End file.
